I'm Calm

They Promised Her the Moon

I'm calm,

I'm calm,

I'm perfectly calm,

I'm utterly under control.

I haven't a worry:

Where others would hurry I stroll.

I'm calm,

I'm cool,

A gibbering fool

Is something I never become.

When thunder is rumbling

And others are crumbling,

I hum.*

On Friday night last week May 5th, I received a text from my friend (and dialect coach) Amanda Quaid at around 8.30p.m. I had been teaching for The Actor's Friend and was relaxing with a glass of wine at my favorite midtown bar, L'ybane. The text was asking what I was up to and that she had put my name in the mix as an immediate replacement for an actress who had left the play that Amanda was in. Another glass of pinot grigio down and I had locked myself in the bathroom to take a 'phone call from a director, Valentina Fratti. She told me about the play and the characters I would portray (a teacher, Jerrie Cobb's mother, a fan girl, a scientist and a reporter).  I immediately liked Valentina from just this 10 minute call. She was clearly passionate about the play and if Amanda was involved, well it seemed like a no brainer. One slight catch: there were 3 days left of rehearsal before tech and then first preview set for the following Friday night. SIX DAYS!  

 

Colour coding my script for the different characters.

I must think calm comforting things,

Butterfly wings,

Emerald rings,

Or a murmuring brook,

Murmuring, murmuring, murmuring...look,

I'm calm,

I'm calm,

I haven't a qualm,

I'm utterly under control.

Let nothing confuse me

Or faze me  -  

Excuse me.

I'm calm.

Oh so calm.*

I rushed home to check my email for the script.  I read it, loved it and went to bed (after a series of frantic texts back and forth with Amanda and Valentina) for a fitful night of sleep before my first day of rehearsal on Saturday.To say I was terrified was an understatement.  The physical sensation of the anxiety rushing through my body was overwhelming. These people had put their trust in me and I did not want to let anyone down. When I was greeted with gratitude and praise by a room full of strangers, I felt a severe case of imposter syndrome. 

Amanda Quaid as Jerrie Cobb and Polly McKie as Helena Cobb in They Promised Her the Moon
Photo Credit:  Jeremy Daniel

Friends and family asked the obvious question: "How are you going to learn all those lines?".  Yes, of course that was a concern!  And I am grateful to the friends and colleagues who drilled me. But there is so much more to it than that. 5 costumes, various entrances and exits but most of all, the actor's homework. My training at HB Studio prepared me for that. And the work I have done since. There is always more work to do. Layers to discover. Even when I was in a good run at The Mint in "A Day by the Sea", I was discovering new things 2 months into performances. 

Polly McKie, John Russell and Amanda Quaid in
They Promised her the Moon.
Photo Credit:  Jeremy Daniel

I must think calm comforting things,

Butterfly wings,

Emerald rings,

Or a murmuring brook,

Murmuring, murmuring, murmuring...look,

I'm calm,

I'm calm,

I haven't a qualm,

I'm utterly under control.

Let nothing confuse me

Or faze me-- [yawn] --

Excuse me.

I'm calm.

Oh so calm.*

During this experience, I have fallen on my face (figuratively and literally), I have cried, forgotten lines, vomited, walked backstage half naked because I forgot what change I was on, had the most vivid anxiety dreams (continuing) and worked harder than I thought was possible.  Last Tuesday (the day before tech and 3 days into rehearsals for me), I had a meltdown and kept saying I could not physically do it. I was the opposite of "The Little Engine That Could". I prayed, I cried and I kept chugging away. I could not have done it if it were not for the trust, talent, good humour, sheer class and monumental support of this cast and crew. And of course the love and support sent across the pond by my ever faithful family (I have to include that sentence for my mother).

Edmund Lewis, Andrus Nichols and Amanda Quaid
Photo Credit:  Jeremy Daniel

I'm calm,

I'm calm,

I'm perfectly calm,

Indifferent to tensions and shocks.

Unruffled and ready,

My nerves are as steady

As rocks.*

Polly McKie, John Leonard Thompson,
Amanda Quaid and John Russell
Photo Credit:  Jeremy Daniel

I'm calm, controlled,

So cool that I'm cold,

Aloofer than any giraffe.

When something's the matter,

Where others would shatter

I laugh.

I must breathe deep, ever so deep,

Think about sheep

Going to sleep,

Stop and count up to ten, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9...when

You need aplomb

And want to be calm

'Cause life is a horrible dream,

Just count up to ten

Very slowly, and then--

SCREAM!*

Life is a glorious dream and I am blessed to be living the one I was given.

*"I'm Calm" from "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"

Music and Lyrics by Steven Sondheim

TICKETS

www.pollymckie.com

www.theactorsfriend.com

Someone in a Tree (The Room Where it Happens)

I have many actor friends who have been in the business for years.  They tell some great stories about what it used to be like. There were fewer people out there clambering for the same jobs. One friend with Broadway credits talks with fondness about popping into her agent's office and looking through the breakdowns while they enjoyed a glass of scotch!

I was good at climbing trees 
I was younger then 

I saw everything! 

Where they came and where they went 

I was part of the event.

I was someone in a tree!

I was younger then!*

I'm certainly no spring chicken but I came into the business later in life and that, combined with immigration challenges made it harder for me, which as a result made me more determined to do what I could to get in that room.

If I weren't, who's to say

Things would happen here the way

That they happened here?

I was there then.

I am here still.*

"The Room Where it Happens" from "Hamilton"
Music and Lyrics by Lin-Manuel Miranda**

A new year always brings fresh hope, resolutions and commitments to make it a good one. I was lucky enough to return from Scotland to several great cmails and auditions. In fact, 4 days after I got back to New York, I had 3 auditions in one day. Lucky, yes. But also this is not something that happens overnight.

It's the fragment, not the day.

It's the pebble, not the stream.

It's the ripple, not the sea.

Not the building but the beam,

Not the garden but the stone,

Not the treaty house,

Someone in a tree.

I'm a fragment of the day.*

One audition was a Cmail via Actors' Access from a Casting Director for a job neither my manager nor I had even submitted me for. Why? Because she knows and remembers me and my work from several meetings. This takes WORK on your part.(KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU) Consistency and commitment. If you want to OPEN DOORS, you need to knock on them several times.

The other 2 were the result of knowing HOW to submit to get to the top of the list (S.O.S. SMARTER ONLINE SUBMISSIONS) There are certain tips and tricks that are basically common sense! Casting Directors are busy and you can do them a huge favor by saving them time and NOT wasting their time. You can read more about these tips in GETTING IT TOGETHER IS THE WHOLE TRICK.

It's the fragment, not the day.

It's the pebble, not the stream.

It's the ripple, not the sea

That is happening.

Not the building but the beam,

Not the garden but the stone,

Only cups of tea

And history

And someone in a tree.*

*"Someone in a Tree" from "Pacific Overtures"

Music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim

** For regular readers of my blog, you know that I always use Sondheim lyrics. Here I also quote the brilliant Lin-Manuel Miranda. Sondheim has mentored him through "Hamilton" and "The Room Where it Happens" is also a nod to "Someone in a Tree".

www.pollymckie.com

www.theactorsfriend.com

Look at Me! Look at Me!

Look at me!  Look at me!  Look at me...*

That is my life.  Look at me.  Oh, and could you like me too?  And, even better, could you give me a job?

I go to E.P.A.s.  Sometimes I am seen, sometimes I am not. 
(Merrily We Roll Along) 
Sometimes there is just one person behind the table.
(With So Little to be Sure of)

We have all been at those auditions where the young intern behind the table seems to be examining her navel, rather than looking at us:

Lady, look at me, look at me miss, oh
Look at me, please, oh
Favor me, favor me with your glance.*

Or it could be a an important producer examining his navel:

Say, Mister producer,  
I'm talkin' to you, sir.^

That does not mean these auditions are a waste of time.  I hear so many actors complaining when they feel that the important people are not in the room.  Or feeling that the important people behind the table are not paying attention.  Of course, there are horror stories about the casting director texting, etc., etc.  BUT, we have to show up.  We have to keep going.  There are audience members who text during Broadway shows.  Stop being bitter and complaining and consider it part of your training.

Nowadays, though,it is not enough just to show up.  It is expected that actors have an online presence. A website, a reel (still a work in progress for me), Facebook, twitter and so on.  Now I know very successful actors who have none of this.  I was excited when I received my first IMDB credit (thanks to The Austin Pendleton Project) and then went to add my photo to the page.  I was told I needed to pay an annual fee for that privilege (same goes for adding bio, trivia, etc.) Meryl Streep does not have to pay to upload her headshot and resume on IMDB (I'm assuming!)  Not Miss Streep's fault, of course!  For the record, I love her.

And therein lies one of the major problems.  Emerging artists are the ones who really need the help: managers and agents to sell them because this is the point in the career where that stuff is harder.  I am guessing Judi Dench does not have a website and is not doing student films to get stuff for her reel.  She does not have to pay for an event at the Network or One on One to meet a casting director.  Nor should she have to!  She is Judi Dench.  Goddess.

But we do.  And I do.  

What do you, what do you see off 
There in those trees, oh
Won't you give, won't you give me a chance? *

Again, what's the use of complaining about the person behind the table looking out of the window?  There is little we can do.  And we also have to trust that they know.  Sit on the other side of the table if you ever have the chance.  It's a revelation.  We have to embrace the way the business is now and do what we can.  No one is going to discover us sitting in a small cafe in Greenwich village.  There are all these wonderful showbiz stories of being discovered on Youtube etc. (Telsey and Co. have even started a department especially for looking at YouTube videos).  I have not sent a video to Telsey yet.  Maybe I'll be satisfied with one of them in another 10 years or so.  We all know someone who got a big break.  Who got lucky (although for most, there is hard work in the background somewhere  -  I prefer not to focus on the ones who are pure luck and not talent).  And, of course, I dream of someone seeing my talent without me actually having to DO anything (certainly not the self-promotion stuff).

Say, Mr. Producer,
Some girls get the breaks.
Just give me my cue, sir.
I've got what it takes. ^
(lyric appears in music book "All Sondheim: Volume 1" (the yellow book), but I have yet to see or hear it anywhere else.  I like it!)

I have been told over and over again that I've got what it takes.  It is not enough.  I made some half-baked attempts at self-promotion.  Even posing for a headshot is painful for me.  And then I took a life-changing class with Heidi Marshall.  Not only is she a casting director and director, she is the most actor friendly teacher I have met.  She tweets, she posts casting notices, she has a facebook page for actor headshots and websites to help us be seen, she recommends actors to other casting directors, she understands the fragile egos we have, she blogs.

In many ways I have extra struggles being an immigrant.  I realise, though, how lucky I am that I was forced to delve into the world of self-promotion, like it or not.  I do not like it.


Say, Mister producer,  
I'm talkin' to you, sir.
I don't need a lot,
Only what I got,
Plus a tube of grease-paint and a follow spot! ^

...plus a twitter account, a facebook page, a profile on NY Castings, actors access, YouTube, a website, a reel (still waiting for more footage!), IMDB...

Paul Russell just wrote about the whole thing in this week's Backstage:


"How to Audition and Get Cast in Your Sleep"  Although I still got a lot of work to do and all the online media robs me of my sleep  -  I still love the article, Mr. Russell!)


So here I go on the self-promotion bandwagon.  Website, facebook actress page, postcards, twitter (which, as my brother - who has still to write my bio for IMDB because I think he'll do a better job than I can - points out, I'm not much cop at).  I've got work to do.  But I'm trying.

(See - crappy cell phone shot of new postcards from Twitter: my brother is right!)

I've been told I should have been born in a different era.  Born in another decade, I would be working more.  But I was born when I was born.  I am Polly McKie, runt of the litter and I've got what it takes:

Look at me.

www.pollymckie.com

* "Ah Miss" from "Sweeney Todd". Stephen Sondheim. 
^ "Broadway Baby" from "Follies". Stephen Sondheim.